And then I got stood up...

I've been dating for a good ten years now...and in all that time I don't think I've ever been stood up. Well, it finally happened. I guess technically we didn't have plans...but the "Yeah, tomorrow let's get together!" implies something...right? 

Anyway, totally annoyed.

Nothing was going to come of it either way...it's just the point. 

Guys-it's not that complicated. Just say, "yo, you seem great but I really don't have any interest in this." 

Guess what! It will hurt our feelings, and some women may not appreciate it but the VAST majority of us would respect you. Because trying to save our feelings is just leading us on. Seriously, because we are dummies and cannot comprehend that someone JUST isn't into us...even when the writing on the wall is clearly there. 

But that is how dating goes. We do this dance trying not to hurt anyone's feelings but really, we should all step up and say the words, "I'm just not that into you". It would save a lot of time, a lot of annoyance, AND we all move on like the grown ups we are.

Not being into someone is bound to hurt their feelings because we all think "Well, I'm great and they are missing out." To some extent sure, being vulnerable and liking someone puts the ball in their court to decide whatever they want about you. End of story. 

Just respect it and say "Next!"

When Mom got sick

A few things happened when I got a call about my mom having cancer.

Panic.

Worry.

Fear.

Denial.

My siblings all have careers and families. They are all pretty set where they are at. I'm the mobile one. Still finishing undergrad, still with an entry level job, no kids, etc. So my thoughts went to, "If my family needs help I'm the one able to drop everything and be there."

As I discussed this idea, I got a rebuttal of "Well, you're the one who chose to move away from your family, so why should I have to sacrifice for your choice?"

...ooookkkkkkk, but my mom is sick. The situation is different than just "Hey, let's move." If I had to pinpoint a breaking point, this was it. This is when I really started to back away...8 months ago.

Back to single life...

I'm not sure why I feel so compelled to write this down...but I'll cave.

A few weeks ago I went to a roommate's wedding. I was discouraged/upset/annoyed/other emotions since it was in the temple and I would not be in the sealing room but anxiously biding time in the waiting room.

And I can accept where I waited was due to MY choices. I recognize that I am an adult and had I lived one way, I could've been with Betsy. So I had lots of mixed emotions happening.

Anyway...the temple.
It was beautiful being there. The spirit. Everyone dressed in white. It was an indescribable feeling...and confusion. How was I feeling this? I haven't claimed Mormonism in a long time as MY religion. It's usually a brush off of, "Oh yeah I was raised Mormon."

So this confusion continued. How could a sinner like me, feel something so strong. So real. So undeniable?

This is when I figured out what I wanted.

I wanted THAT life. The cute Mormon temple wedding. The church on Sunday. The scriptures.

See the thing is that I had a boyfriend. A wonderful person I dated for 3 years. Although I was raised LDS, I had a few *many* bad experiences with the single's ward and boy that were "temple worthy" and were less than stellar individuals. So when I met Victor at camp it felt "right". He was different. He didn't fit the Mormon ideals...but he was a GREAT person.

And now 3 years later, we realized just how much those Mormon ideals mean to me. So we shed some tears and made our way out of our life together.

So here I am.
Back to being single.