Back to single life...

I'm not sure why I feel so compelled to write this down...but I'll cave.

A few weeks ago I went to a roommate's wedding. I was discouraged/upset/annoyed/other emotions since it was in the temple and I would not be in the sealing room but anxiously biding time in the waiting room.

And I can accept where I waited was due to MY choices. I recognize that I am an adult and had I lived one way, I could've been with Betsy. So I had lots of mixed emotions happening.

Anyway...the temple.
It was beautiful being there. The spirit. Everyone dressed in white. It was an indescribable feeling...and confusion. How was I feeling this? I haven't claimed Mormonism in a long time as MY religion. It's usually a brush off of, "Oh yeah I was raised Mormon."

So this confusion continued. How could a sinner like me, feel something so strong. So real. So undeniable?

This is when I figured out what I wanted.

I wanted THAT life. The cute Mormon temple wedding. The church on Sunday. The scriptures.

See the thing is that I had a boyfriend. A wonderful person I dated for 3 years. Although I was raised LDS, I had a few *many* bad experiences with the single's ward and boy that were "temple worthy" and were less than stellar individuals. So when I met Victor at camp it felt "right". He was different. He didn't fit the Mormon ideals...but he was a GREAT person.

And now 3 years later, we realized just how much those Mormon ideals mean to me. So we shed some tears and made our way out of our life together.

So here I am.
Back to being single.